Forums: Jibber-Jabber: Office banter

“He didn’t look sixteen: he looked like a 20-year-old Portuguese god!”

“I don’t see that as backhanded, more like emotionally intelligent.”

“it’s going to be the fucking Kooks”

“That dog is massive, I would be well up for a play around with him….”

- “He did a shit in the middle of the dancefloor?”

- “No. It wasn’t really the middle.”

- “Why didn’t he go to the loo?”

- “Because he lost the bet.”

Help yourself to melon.

“Slutty had to deal with a fucking tornado last time – that’s why she was late”

“Yo yo someone finally bit for some £50 action…..”

“At least something’s licking my face…”

Our fashion ed Lindsay on patchy internet in Leeds:

‘Now I know why this city produced the Kaiser Chiefs – with no MySpace and a temperamental iTunes connection, how are they to know they’re comparatively bloody awful?’

“Woah woah woah! Don’t fuck with my fonts!”

“I feel much better now we’ve put Enya on.”

“yeah but you like Danny Bhoy…”

“You can’t call a spade a… golden spade…”

how cute… the office mouse ate my jaffa cakes in an Augustus Gloop tribute sort of way

“It’s alright to be wrong, so long as you’re wrong in an easygoing way”

“You are all fascists.”

- I met Chesney Hawkes when I was twenty. He slept with a girl on my corridor; she was a right tramp.

- So he wasn’t the one and only then?

On mice:

stick a man poo in their hole and see how they like it