The Skinny Abroad: Thailand
Armed with a 2009 Rough Guide and a frankly embarrassing Thai vocabulary, we embark on a three-week whistle-stop tour of Thailand and present our top picks
Thailand. They call it the Land of Smiles but I’d suggest a subtle name change: the Land of Smiles Induced by Eating Delicious Food. Sure to catch on, that.
Like a solid, dependable Food and Drink editor, I don’t head abroad for much else other than the food. Call me myopic, misled or plain moronic, but I can’t think of a better way to get a feel for a place. So, no, there was no witnessing projectiles flying from nether regions or attending full-moon parties, just a culinary coming-of-age story.
First, Bangkok. The Big Mango. A place where you can get a meal for a pound at pavement level or pay English prices for cocktails 20 stories up in a sky bar. Where tiny street food carts compete with air-conditioned mega-malls that boast high-class sushi bars and liquid nitrogen ice cream parlours.
We experience the fine dining side of the city at Nahm, estimating that we could have eaten well for a couple of weeks for the price of the tasting menu. Those concerns are somewhat moot once we’ve had a grin-inducing coconut and turmeric curry of blue swimmer crab and the duck noodle soup with young coconut and Thai basil. Likewise the food at Bo Lan is nigh on faultless: a salad of Songkla Lake prawns is a thing of beauty. These are two extravagant anomalies in an otherwise budget-conscious trip; the formality of the service at both places seems very much at odds with the Thai notion of sanuk.
The street food is so ubiquitous, and the city so massive, that it’d be hard to make a dent in a few years, never mind days. Thanon Convent in Silom is flanked by reputable stalls all day long: look out for duck’s tongue kebabs and lime leaf-garnished fried chicken. If you’re ever near Victory Monument, seek out a nameless boat noodle joint at the very top of Phaya Thai Road. They serve a heady broth thickened with a generous ladle of pig’s blood and various bits of the animal – it’s about the porkiest thing you can imagine. It ends up looking quite similar to the river water beneath the restaurant, but for 20 baht (£0.40) it’s hard to complain.
Eating in Bangkok feels most "authentic" when you’re sat roadside on shitty plastic chairs or perched on the curb, eating off skewers and soiling yourself with chilli sauce. But restaurants are affordable and frequently superior, too: go to Soi Polo Fried Chicken for fried chicken – what else? – served with a mound of chewy, golden-brown garlic cloves, and a spicy – and not just 'tourist spicy' – papaya salad. And seek out P’Aor – it’s tricky to locate – for a rich, creamy take on Tom Yum Koong that ensures it's the busiest place on the block.
Looking for something closer to home? Get yourself to Rocket for an exceptional cold brew or flat white. Failing that, the condensed milk iced coffees you'll find on most streets are a quick fix. After many over-diluted cocktails elsewhere, we hit upon quality mixology at both Lady Brett and Hyde & Seek. WTF, though, are hands down winners for their whisky cocktails.
From Bangkok we go to Krabi. The south’s provincial capital and stopover for island-bound visitors, it has an unjustified reputation for paltry food options. However, the night market and the weekend “walking street” market turn up some impressive traders. The latter has such diverse offerings as fried ice cream, squid salad and Japanese takoyaki. Walking out of town, you’ll find the leafy retreat of Ruen Mai, which serves up an exemplary fried butterfish and sour mango salad.
Ko Lanta, our next stop, is no culinary hotbed. Succumbing to the demands – perceived or real – of tourists, most places have heavily Westernised menus. It’s also a testament to how somewhere surrounded by fecund oceans can mostly fail to serve up good seafood. A scooter ride across to the Old Town and we happen upon a Muslim cafe called Sunnee Place, where the peanut-heavy massaman and the oily roti – not to mention the welcoming hosts – are enough to warrant a second cross-island trip. A genuine find, as is a no-English-name noodle place on the Long Beach main road that does a superb pork and wonton soup. Look for a chef with a baseball cap.
Later, up north in Chiang Mai, we mostly take our cues from Andy Ricker, an American chef and certified Thailand fanatic, whose Pok Pok restaurants have achieved legendary status. He recommends SP Chicken for their legendary spit-roast chicken; it doesn't disappoint, oozing garlic and tender as they come. We make it to the much-lauded Lam Duan Khao Soi for khao soi, an intense, meaty coconut-curry topped with crispy noodles and served with a side of shallots and pickled mustard greens.
In no way is it possible to do justice to the breadth of Thai cuisine in so few words and with such a fleeting experience. This is a mere teaser, but one that should have you Googling "flights to Bangkok."