Femme fatales, Dangerous Dames & female film archetypes

Feeling underrepresented, repressed or a general lack of purpose in your current job?

Of course you are – you’re a female stereotype! You’ve likely been popping up in the same scenarios for years: destined to flit from manic pixie dream girl to promiscuous sidekick before finally settling into the comfortable role of mother figure, all while obsessively discussing the men in your life with other, like-minded women.

The good news for your career is, with a little training and development you’ll find a world of opportunity can open up, especially if you’re prepared to embrace more unconventional roles. Top jobseeker tip: female agency is always easier to swallow when it’s presented as a bad thing.

Femme fatale

This job will be a great fit for a single woman with a shadowy past and well-conditioned tresses. You should understand that first impressions are everything, and be able to emerge from behind a velvet curtain to sing provocatively on cue. Ardent drinkers with a penchant for elbow-length gloves are strongly encouraged to apply.

You’ll be equally confident revulsing ‘decent’ women and tempting gullible men to a predictable range of predictable downfall scenarios. A complete rejection of motherhood would be advantageous, but is not essential. Please note: you will be required to work evenings and weekends.

Caregiver/Number one fan

A rare opportunity has become available at a rural writer’s retreat for a devoted caregiver/number one fan. You must be an avid reader, and willing to work in a mentoring capacity, using creative techniques to coax the best from our client. As well as unwavering admiration, some rudimentary medical training will be required.

Previous experience in a similar position will be an advantage. Light manual labour will also be central to the role. Sledgehammer available on request.

Retribution Agent

Some harrowing past experience is essential for the fast-paced role of Retribution Agent. You’ll need to be self-motivated and driven, with an appetite for inflicting dire consequences on those who have wronged you or someone close to you. Ideally, you’ll be proficient in various forms of martial arts and weapon-wielding, but training will be provided. However, the ability to carry off the colour yellow is a must.

You should also have excellent stamina, be willing to travel and have attained fluency in spoken Japanese.

Obsessive ex

Are you a go-getter who won’t take no for an answer? Great! Your tenacious, can-do attitude will take you far in the role of obsessive ex. A complete lack of respect for the sanctity of marriage and personal space is crucial, as is a willingness to perm your hair and wear a power suit. You’ll need to have cultivated a chilling telephone manner and be confident around a stove.

Small animal lovers need not apply.

* Please note: For all of the above roles salary is commensurate with experience, but there will be no guarantee of remunerative parity with men in similar positions.

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Glasgow Film Festival's Dangerous Dames season runs throughout the festival: The Maltese Falcon, 16 Feb; Leave Her to Heaven, 17 Feb; Scarlet Street, 18 Feb; The Postman Always Rings Twice, 19 Feb; Out of the Past, 20 Feb; Gun Crazy, 21 Feb; Niagara, 22 Feb; Chinatown, 23 Feb; Body Heat, 24 Feb; The Last Seduction, 26 Feb

All screenings: GFT, 10.30am, free

Read more about Glasgow Film Festival in The CineSkinny – in print at Glasgow Film Festival venues and online at theskinny.co.uk/film/cineskinny

Follow Kirsty Leckie-Palmer on Twitter at @kleckiepalmer