Dressing the part

I have exactly Celtic colouring – pale skin, freckles, curly black hair and blue eyes. Of course, I’m always trying to change this. Sometimes if I’m organised enough I put fake tan on my arms and legs – just the bits that you have to expose in the summer. I never bother putting any on my bottom or anything because even if those jeans with a hole in the back come back into fashion I’d probably stick to the older pairs with a covered bottom.

I have frizzy, curly hair but I highlight and straighten the front parts sometimes, so head on I can seem like a tanned lady with straight hair. I do all that kind of things during the Fringe because it makes me feel better about myself but it’s just so mortifying! I mean – it’s supposed to be about The Show.

When I saw myself on TV for the first time I realised I had full, disco dancing sideburns. I waxed them off that night- an act so violent it ensured they never returned. Sometimes I regret that. I think maybe they gave my face definition. The wax also created two shiny patches on each side of my face. Maybe one day that look will come into fashion too, but until then I will continue my morning ritual of pressing mattifying powder onto the patches.

I used to wear dangly earrings that made a tiny noise so I didn’t feel so alone on stage but thank God I don’t need them anymore. I am quite sure of myself now but on bad days stupid things like gold hoops or a blowdry or new white runners still give me confidence.

I wonder why people choose my show out of hundreds of other shows. I think it’s good and all but, personally, standup wouldn’t be my first choice. Last year in Dublin I saw a brilliant circus show that featured vegetables (Cirque de Legume) and I think it’s on in the Gilded Balloon during the Fringe. Now that is much funnier and cleverer than any one neurotic person blabbing their half-formed ideas about life. That could be low self-esteem talking though so I think “never mind that”.

But I still kind of think if I do my eyeliner just right I’ll show them all a good time.

 

Maeve Higgins - Personal Best
Gilded Balloon @ Teviot
4-30 Aug, 4.30pm, £7.50-£8.50