The Bisexual Myth

One of these things is not like the others: unicorns, fairies, bisexuality

Feature by Conori Bell-Bhuiyan | 02 Sep 2014

I’ve come to understand that there is this odd myth about bisexuality: that it doesn’t exist. That nobody is actually bisexual. That bisexual people are either gay and won’t admit it, or (more commonly with girls) straight and just going through some promiscuous experimental stage. I have nothing against promiscuous experimental girls, but I’m coming to resent the assumptions people make whenever I use the word ‘bisexual’ to describe myself.

A while back, my girlfriend and I were at a small party in a bar, and instantly managed to be noticed and honed in on by the only other lesbian couple in the bar, a rather drunk late-40s pair who engaged us in an enthusiastic conversation about how far gay rights have come and how lucky our generation is. All good and lovely, but really, we were just trying to get a quiet drink, not hear a lecture on how lucky we are. Anyway, at some point in the conversation my girlfriend corrected one of the other couple by pointing out that I’m “not gay, she’s bisexual”. Both other women looked instantly affronted and one made a comment about how easy it is to be confused about these kinds of things. 

I don’t at all like the implication that I’m confused about my sexuality. I’m not confused in the slightest – if I was gay, I’d say I was gay. However, I’m not. I’m bisexual, and if there’s anything I'm confused about, it’s the perpetual myth that this is a less valid sexual orientation than hetero- or homosexuality. Or the myth that bisexual is just another term for an ‘experimental phase’, that it makes me less likely to be in serious relationships, or that I’ll eventually settle down with a nice man. That’s not how it works.

Perhaps the thing that annoyed me most is that two women who’d seen progress made in gay rights and were clearly (and rightfully) proud of that could be so instantly dismissive of my own sexuality. They should be the first to accept others who aren’t the norm.