Lucy Porter: People Person
So then, tell us about your show?
It's called People Person and it's a story about friendship, motherhood, and home shopping.
How have your previews been going?
Pretty well. In York they liked it so much, they gave me freedom of the city, in Bristol and Norwich the people demanded I be declared their mayor, and I was carried at shoulder height through the streets of Cardiff by my adoring and grateful audience.
How are you going to keep it fresh for the full three weeks?
I dunno, get progressively more drunk as the weeks go on I guess? I tend to chat to the audience, so that makes the show different every night.
Is it ultimately worth coming to the Fringe?
It's worth it if you love it as much as I do. I didn't come up last year and I was pretty miserable. Stressful and long as the festival is, it's infinitely worse not being here. You get to do your show to a comedy literate, willing audience for a whole month. Who wouldn't be grateful for that opportunity?
Do you have a guaranteed, surefire flyering technique?
Yep, pay younger, prettier people to do it for me. I haven't done my own flyering since the late '90s. I hate, hate, hate it so much and the young people do it so much better than I ever could.
What's your health regime for the Fringe?
A few years ago I would have scoffed at this question and poured myself another Jack Daniels. Now, tragically, I do have a health regime. Lots of yoga and chickpeas, and not much booze basically.
What's the worst mistake people make at the Fringe?
A lot of the unsuspecting young girls that I pay to do my flyering get off with comedians, thinking they are as sweet and sensitive as they appear to be.
Last year's Fringe was all about the London riots. What major news event do you think will force you to hurriedly rewrite your 2012 show?
I think Princess Diana didn't die but was merely hiding in South America, and she will return to make a splash in the jubilee year.
Do you pay your taxes?
I got audited by the Inland Revenue a few years ago. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. So, yes, I pay my taxes.
What was your favourite joke when you were a kid?
Q: Why did the baker have dirty hands?
A: He kneaded a poo...
It really only works when spoken aloud.
How does looking after two young children compare to a month's run in Edinburgh?
I am bringing the kids to Edinburgh, but my husband is going to be doing the childcare whilst I'm doing my show. I decided to do my show at 5.15 because it makes me look like a caring parent – "I have to get back in time to put my kids to bed", when actually what's going to happen is I'll be with the family all day, then just as the kids are getting tired and fractious, I'll hand them over to their dad and skip off to The Stand. By the time I return they'll be clean and fed, and I can just kiss them goodnight.
What major gripe do you have with other people? Slow walkers in front of you for example...
Wow, you are a young curmudgeon! You should be careful – one day you may be a slow walker. I used to hate people who couldn't control their unruly children on public transport, and then I became one of them. I do get a bit irritated when people misuse 'literally'. I met a woman recently who kept saying stuff like "my plans literally blew up in my face" and "My mum is literally melting my brain". I wanted to kill her. But not literally.
Can you tell me an interesting Anthropological fact you've learned in the process of writing the show?
No. Oh go on then. Japanese children cover their bellybuttons when they hear thunder, because superstition has it that if they don't the god of thunder will come and eat them. Just the bellybuttons, not the whole child.
Who else are you hoping to see while you're in Edinburgh?
Even though stand-up is my first love, I also like seeing sketch and character comedy whilst I'm up in Scotland. The Ginge, The Geordie and The Geek, and Checkley Bush are top of my to do list.