Glasgow Fairytale

 

See, it aw started when this guy wrote a book aboot Glesga. Except it wisnae aw aboot the Armadillo and Lulu, and that. Naw, whit it wis, he put aw these fairytales intae a blender and mashed them up. So, there’s this Weegie called Jack. He’s winchin’ Rapunzel, an asylum seeker who’s locked up in a fairy castle at Dungavel. So, Jack gets her oot, nae bother. Meantime, Jack’s sister, Jill, has jist chucked a wee nyaff called Reggie, who’d eat himsel’ if he wis chocolate. Reggie’s gonnae bump aff Jill’s pal, Snowy White. So, Jill gets Snowy intae a safe hoose in a magic forest near East Kilbride. Then there’s Wee Red Hoodie, who’s pure scunnered wi’ her psychopathic granny. But then Wee Red meets a right bad yin called Big Bad Wolf and, afore ye can say Rumpelstiltskin, granny’s history and Wee Red’s a wee ned. Oh aye, and there’s Ella McCinder. She gets aff wi’ a fitballer at the dancin’, does a runner and leaves her shoe behind in the cludgie. OK, it’s no exactly Hans Christian Andersen, but whit did he know aboot asylum seekers? See fairytales? See Glesga? Ye couldnae make it up. [James Carson]