Phagomania: Burger Porn

Attention all burger perverts. Look at the pictures on this page, and prepare to make the kind of noise normally heard on a building site as a "lovely lassie" struts by. Then take a moment to reflect on the shame, and wonder just what your life has become.

But relax, you are in safe hands, as fortunately for you a classically trained chef has been pushing at the very limits of burger porn. What is the limit? Is there a limit? What is 'burger porn'? Allow Mathew of pornburger.me to clarify: "My goal in photographing these perversions is nothing short of attempting to induce both salivation and an erection." That's cleared that up, then.

A one-man band acting as chef and photographer, Mathew has been getting through "this particularly brutal winter" by seemingly abstaining from regular porn and honing his talents in the kitchen. "There's something cathartic about rolling up your sleeves, throwing on a vinyl, pouring a couple fingers of whiskey, and immersing yourself in the dark arts of hamburgery." Dark indeed, but classy.

Each weekly offering has seen the burgers go from strength to strength and nothing is out of bounds… foodwise. "One week it's figuring out how to make a burger patty out of duck confit," reveals Mathew, "and the next – making pâte à choux with emulsified foie gras and encrusting in potato chips."

They sure look good and they certainly sound good, but do they taste good? In fact, in an age where polished food photography roams in prevalence, is there a superficial falsehood in all these pictures? Do we see lots of great things but never taste or experience them? Is that the real reason why all this 'Instagram your food' bollocks is so annoying?

For Matthew, it's a no, but food porn does match up with the naughty stuff in some regards. He concedes: "The photographer in me is a firm believer in porn for porn's sake. That said, the chef in me is all about integrity of flavour, which is why I'm actually making a lot of the ingredients from scratch and recipe testing as I go. There's no reason why they can't taste as good as they look."

Well that's the spirit, but 'spirit' is a dangerous word in Mathew's company. It seems so many of us are loving burgers; but, we ask, why burgers? Mathew responds: "Porn Meatloaf just sounds weird... But seriously, when a burger is done well, it can be both a spiritual and erotic experience... They're a guilty pleasure, and I am a pure glutton for pleasure. Also, I'm pretty sure they're my spirit animal." And we thought we liked burgers.

We pointed him towards spectacular French duo 'Fat and Furious Burger', whom we interviewed last year. Their experimental interpretations on what a burger can be became topical satire at points, albeit partially inedible, and they proclaimed them "the real food porn."

"In no universe can I see myself making a burger that I wouldn't wrap my lips around," Mathew retorts. 

Taking a closer look at the French site, he reflects: "I mean the thing about making 52 different burger fantasies, is that things are bound to get pretty weird. I'm looking forward to some fun collaborations with scientists, artists, and even a gelato maker."

Wow. So what else lies ahead on his road of hamburgery? Mathew has something big up his sleeve: "I will say there are plans for both a book and a porno mag where all the models are food." Well slap our arse and call us Sally, we'll sign up to that.