Chemical Wedding

If Wayne and Garth got the budget to make a film, they'd probably make Chemical Wedding. It's dire beyond belief, but... cripplingly, cringingly funny in parts. Infamous British occultist Aleister Crowley is reincarnated in the body of a Cambridge don, liberating not only the long dead Crowley, but also letting loose lead actor Simon Callow's inner, rapturous, eye-rolling ham. Callow’s clearly having a whale of a time, and who could blame him? He’s dark lord of all he surveys in a film which ticks every clichéed box in the book of metalhead wet dreams: suave hero, damsel in distress, super computers, pop physics, good versus eeevil, gore, orgies with deformed people, willy worship, drugs, boobies, jobbies, LOUD music and gallons of power-jet wee. Co-written by Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson (last seen flying hapless XL holidaymakers back to the UK), Chemical Wedding is unrepentantly bonkers and inappropriately hilarious. Watch with pals, a winebox, and an expression of slack-jawed astonishment.