DJ Chart - James Pants

In what is possibly our best themed DJ Chart ever, we present Stones Throw's James Pants: "A Romantic Evening With James Pants".

01. The Flamingoes - I Only Have Eyes for You (Rhino)

We will start things off slow and steady, with a bonafide classic. The "dowhatchabop" background vocals simply cannot be replicated. Almost everyone has heard this song, so you get points right away for being a man of the people.

02. Rick James - Moonchild (Motown)

This one comes off one of Rick's mid-80s LPs. Glow, I think? The name doesn't matter though, because things are heating up. Girls don't really like to bother themselves with album credits anyways. It never makes for good conversation. If it does, I suggest a quick engagement.

03. The Cool Notes - Never Too Young [remix] (Abstract Dance)

I always play the remix of this song, which came out in '84 or '85 I think. It's just called "remix" - short and sweet. The drum machine programming is superb, but I worry sometimes about the message. 11 or 12 year olds shouldn't be falling in love too seriously.

04. O'Mar - Satisfaction (Chrome)

This is one hell of a 7". It might disrupt the romantic mood, but you're not going to get anywhere without taking risks. The song is a little on the uptempo side, and the voice is a little creepy. This one will determine whether she is a keeper or not.

05. Silver Apples - Gypsy Love (Kapp)

While she's still reeling from the last song, hit her again. If you can listen in between the keyboard squealing, heavy drums, and shouting, it's quite romantic.

06. The Whatnauts - Tweedly Dum Dum (Stang)

There is a method to the makeout madness, you see. Put her on edge, and then cool it out. This song will do the latter. I need a new copy though. Mine is really scratchy.

07. Al Hudson - Spread Love (ABC)

Another classic. The vocals don't come in for, like, three minutes or something. This is exactly the amount of time it will take you to make nachos for your girl.

08. Vertical Lines - Beach Boy (Tuff City)

This song is about how the girl can relax with the guy, since he is like a surfer dude, with the wind in his hair. The drum machines and keyboards are outrageous. I wish I made this song. This is also the first 12" to come out on Tuff City, which is a plus.

09. Master C and J - Master of Love (Streetside Records)

I found this record last time I was in Chicago. It's a house record with great female vocals, and really horrible male rap. The lyrics go like this: "I'm the master of love making. Guaranteed to satisfy." Those are strong words. I'm not quite sure if girls like it or not, but you're going to try tonight.

10. MC Shy D - I Don't Want to Treat You Wrong (Luke Skyywalker Records)

Yet another "between-the-sheets" sampling rap song. However, Shy D really opens up on this one. He says the girl can call him Peter, instead of MC Shy D. He also promises to wash her back. This is a good closer that really spells it out, in case your date hasn't gotten the message yet.

Word.